Why crying helps the body release grief and why holding it in makes it harder

For many widows, crying feels dangerous.

Not emotionally — physically.

There’s a fear that once tears start, something will break open that can’t be contained. That the body will spiral. That the wave will grow instead of pass.

So many widows learn to do this instead:

• swallow hard

• tighten the jaw

• distract

• hold their breath

• wait it out

It looks like strength.

But inside the body, something else is happening.

Crying is not a loss of control — it’s a nervous system response

Emotional crying is not the same as panic or emotional collapse.

It’s a biological response that involves multiple systems working together:

• emotion processing

• breath

• facial muscles

• tear glands

• autonomic nervous system regulation

When grief rises, the sympathetic nervous system activates — heart rate increases, muscles tighten, breath shortens.

Crying often appears near the peak of that activation.

Not as a failure — but as a signal that the body has reached its limit and is beginning to release.

What research shows about crying and time

Studies on emotional crying consistently show:

• most crying episodes last 5–20 minutes

• intense crying rarely sustains beyond 30 minutes unless re-triggered

• after crying, many people report:

  • calmer breathing

  • reduced tension

  • emotional softening

  • a sense of release

This doesn’t mean people feel “better.”

It means the stress response has begun to complete its cycle.

The grief remains.
The intensity shifts.

Why holding back tears often prolongs distress

Suppressing tears doesn’t stop the wave.

It interrupts the body’s attempt to regulate.

When tears are held back:

• muscle tension stays high

• breath remains shallow

• stress hormones linger longer

• emotional pressure builds internally

This is why widows often say:
“I didn’t cry — but I felt worse afterward.”

The wave had nowhere to go.

Crying isn’t what overwhelms the body.
Unreleased activation does.

The moment tears come is often the turning point

Many widows notice a pattern they’ve never been told to trust:

• intensity builds

• pressure peaks

• tears come

• breath loosens

• fog begins to thin

Crying doesn’t end grief.

But it often marks the crest of the wave — the point where the nervous system begins to downshift.

The storm hasn’t passed.
But the worst of the wind has moved through.

When crying feels frightening or out of control

Some widows experience crying that feels panicky, breathless, or destabilizing.

This usually happens when:

• grief is layered with trauma

• the body is already exhausted

• the nervous system has been in high alert for too long

• tears are mixed with fear of the tears

In these moments, crying isn’t the problem.

The fear around the crying is.

Supporting the body — rather than stopping the tears — is what helps.

Gentle ways to support crying without forcing it

This is not about “letting it all out.”

It’s about staying with the body while it releases.

You might try:

• placing a hand on your chest or stomach

• allowing your breath to lengthen naturally after a sob

• sitting or lying down so the body doesn’t have to hold itself up

• letting your face soften instead of clenching

Nothing dramatic.
Nothing performative.

Just support.

What crying is actually saying

Crying is not saying:
“I can’t handle this.”

It’s saying:

• This matters.

• This hurts.

• I need release.

Tears are not regression.
They are communication.

They are the body speaking when words are insufficient.

A sentence to hold when tears come

Crying often marks the peak of a grief wave, and allowing it can help the nervous system begin to settle rather than prolong distress.

You are not unraveling when you cry.
You are releasing what your body can no longer carry silently.

Coming next

In the next post, we’ll talk about grief fog, sudden calm, and emotional whiplash — and why going from “I’m okay” to “this is unbearable” and back again is not instability, but protection.

Because once widows understand that, they stop judging themselves for surviving.

Want to learn more and find some practical helps? You can purchase The Impact of Grief Ebook

This article explains why crying during grief can help the nervous system release stress rather than make grief worse. It explores emotional crying, stress hormones, and parasympathetic regulation in widowhood, showing how tears often mark the peak of a grief wave and help the body settle. This science-informed grief education helps widows understand their tears, reduce fear around crying, and trust their body’s natural responses to loss.

How long grief waves last and why they feel endless when you're in them

One of the most fear-inducing parts of grief isn’t the pain itself.

It’s the fear that it won’t stop.

A wave hits and your body tightens. Your breath shortens. Your chest aches. Tears come fast or not at all. Thinking narrows until everything feels urgent and unbearable.

And somewhere inside, a quiet panic forms:

What if this never settles?

That fear makes grief harder than it needs to be.

So let’s talk honestly — and accurately — about what’s happening inside the body when a grief wave hits.

Acute grief waves have a biological time course

When grief surges, the body enters an acute stress response.

This involves:

• activation of the sympathetic nervous system

• release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol

• narrowing of attention and heightened emotional intensity

This state feels all-consuming — but it is not infinite.

Across stress-response and affective neuroscience research, there is a consistent finding:

The body cannot maintain peak physiological arousal indefinitely.

In most people:

• acute emotional surges peak and begin to resolve within about 10–30 minutes

• even very intense waves usually soften within 20–45 minutes

• longer episodes often involve re-triggering, not a single uninterrupted wave

This doesn’t mean the sadness disappears.
It means the intensity begins to shift.

The wave moves.

Why grief feels endless while it’s happening

If grief waves are time-limited, why do they feel infinite?

Because during high emotional arousal, the brain’s sense of time changes.

When the stress response is active:

• the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, time awareness) goes partially offline

• the brain shifts into threat-based processing

• the present moment expands and stretches

This is why:

• five minutes can feel like an hour

• you lose track of time while crying

• you feel trapped inside the moment

This isn’t imagination or exaggeration.
It’s how the brain works under stress.

So when a widow says, “It felt like it would never end,” she’s telling the truth — about the experience, not the biology.

Crying often marks the crest of the wave

Many people worry that crying is what keeps a grief wave going.

In reality, emotional crying often happens near the peak of the stress response.

Studies on crying show that:

• most crying episodes last 5–20 minutes

• crying can activate parasympathetic (calming) pathways

• after crying, many people report some degree of relief or settling

Crying doesn’t end grief.
But it often helps the body complete a stress cycle.

Tears are not the wave getting worse.
They are often the wave turning.

Why waves repeat throughout the day

Grief rarely comes as one long, steady experience.

Instead, it moves in cycles.

This is explained by what grief researchers call dual-process coping — the natural oscillation between:

• loss-oriented states (pain, yearning, tears)

• restorative states (neutral focus, functioning, brief calm)

Your brain cannot stay fully immersed in loss all day.

So it moves you in and out.

In early widowhood, this can happen:

• multiple times an hour

• dozens of times a day

This isn’t emotional instability.
It’s neurobiological protection.

The body is dosing the pain.

When waves last longer — what that usually means

Sometimes grief waves feel longer, heavier, or harder to come out of.

This usually isn’t because the grief itself is “stronger.”

Common reasons include:

• exhaustion or sleep deprivation

• hunger or dehydration

• cumulative stress

• repeated memory activation or rumination

• lack of any settling input (rest, support, grounding)

In these cases, waves may:

• stack back-to-back

• feel like one long surge

• take longer to soften

This is nervous system overload, not failure.

And it’s addressable.

Gentle practices that can help a wave move through

Nothing here is about stopping grief.
These practices simply help the body do what it already knows how to do: settle after a surge.

You don’t need to do all of these.
Even one is enough.

• Name the wave
  Quietly saying, “This is a wave,” can reduce panic and help the body stay with the experience.

• Support the breath without forcing it
  Let your breath lengthen naturally. Even placing a hand on your chest can signal safety.

• Reduce stimulation
  Lower lights. Sit or lie down. Fewer inputs help the nervous system exit high alert.

• Allow the tears
  If they come, let them come. Resisting often prolongs distress.

• Orient gently when the fog lifts
  Notice where you are. What you can see. What feels solid. This helps the brain re-anchor.

These are not fixes.
They are permissions.

A sentence to return to mid-wave

Most grief waves rise and begin to settle within minutes, even when the pain feels endless — because the nervous system is designed to crest and fall, not stay in peak distress.

You are not failing because it hurts this much.
You are surviving something that hurts this much.

Coming next

In the next post, we’ll look closely at why crying helps instead of harms, what’s happening in the nervous system during tears, and how to stop fearing the moment emotion breaks through.

Because understanding that changes everything for widows who’ve learned to hold it all in.

why widows need body-based support | grief impact + natural options

Why widowhood feels so physically hard, and how somatic support can help you carry it

When your husband dies, it isn’t only your heart that breaks.

It’s your whole life that seems to crack open.

Your co-parent.
Your partner in decisions.
Your shared income.
Your witness.
Your future.
Your person who helped you breathe through hard days.

And somehow — impossibly — life keeps moving forward.
Decisions still need to be made.
Questions still get asked.
Systems don’t pause.
And your body is required to keep showing up, even when everything inside has been shattered.

If you’ve ever wondered why widowhood feels so physical — why your body reacts like you’re living in an emergency — there is a reason.

Not a “something is wrong” reason.
A nervous-system that is protecting you reason.

Because grief doesn’t live only in the heart.

It lives in the body that had to survive the loss.

Widowhood Is Grief Under Load

Widowhood isn’t just missing someone.

It’s missing him while still having to:

• make every decision alone

• keep the house running

• carry the parenting weight

• manage money stress

• show up to work

• answer questions you don’t even have words for

• keep going when you don’t feel like you can

So the grief doesn’t “settle.”

It stacks.

And the body responds the way bodies respond when the load is too much for too long.

What Grief Can Feel Like in the Nervous System

During my husband’s cancer journey — including a failed bone marrow transplant — my body learned to brace itself

I lived depleted.

And after he died in 2019, that bracing didn’t dissipate.
The stress didn’t end.
It shifted into a new kind of constant that felt even more heavy laden.

I’ve known:

• uncontrollable hyperventilating

• panic that rises out of nowhere

• night sweats

• sleep that won’t come — or won’t stay

• a nervous system that never fully powers down

If you’ve lived anything like this, I want you to hear this clearly:

This isn’t you being dramatic.
This isn’t you being “too sensitive.”
This isn’t a lack of faith.

This is your body carrying what love and loss demanded.

Bereavement research shows that grief can affect multiple systems at once — stress regulation, immune and inflammatory pathways, sleep cycles, cognition, and autonomic nervous system rhythms (fight/flight and rest/digest).
In other words: grief shows up in the body because you’re human, not because you’re broken.

Why Words Don’t Help — and “Just Relax” Feels Cruel

Some advice sounds harmless until you’re the one living it.

“Try to relax.”
“You just need to sleep.”
“Choose joy.”

But widowhood is a major life rupture.

And your nervous system isn’t malfunctioning — it’s doing exactly what it was designed to do when safety is disrupted and responsibility is relentless.

What widows need isn’t pressure to feel better, or to perform.

It’s support to feel grounded so we can keep moving on one step at a time.

how your sense of smell can help When Grief Is in the Body

This is where gentle sensory support — especially scent — becomes something more than “nice.”

A 2025 review published in Plants and available through PubMed Central describes aromatherapy and essential oils as complementary approaches that may support wellbeing related to stress, sleep, mood, and fatigue.

Here’s the part that matters for widows:

Inhaled aromatic compounds interact with the olfactory system, which is directly connected to brain regions involved in emotion, memory, and stress regulation — the same regions grief impacts most deeply.

This is why scent can feel immediate.
Why it bypasses logic.
Why it lands in the body before words do.

This isn’t about erasing grief.

It’s about giving your body a cue of steadiness inside the grief.

A few minutes of an encouraging or grounding scent paired with breath can become a sensory anchor — something your body recognizes as:

Right now, I can breathe.

Not because life feels normal again, or you have temporarily forgotten your pain.
But because you are being supported inside of your new reality.

Somatic Support: Helping the Body Carry What the Heart Is Carrying

Grief is not only something we think about. Or that happens to us.

It’s something we hold.

That’s why body-based practices are often kinder than mindset shifts.
They don’t demand positivity.
They don’t rush acceptance. They see what has happened and recognize it’s impact.

They offer the nervous system a different experience.

Try This When the Wave Hits

The Long Exhale Reset

• Put both feet on the floor

• One hand on your chest, one on your belly

• Inhale through the nose for 4

• Exhale slowly for 6–8

• Repeat 6 times

If you want, pair it with a scent you associate with steadiness.

You’re not denying grief.
You’re telling your body it doesn’t have to brace quite so hard for the next minute.

Widow-Specific Aromatic Support Rhythms

(Simple. Doable. No pressure.)

These are not prescriptions.
They are rhythms many widows naturally resonate with when the body is wired, exhausted, or overwhelmed.

For Sleep When Your Body Won’t Land

• Oils: Lavender + Cedarwood

• Practice: Long exhales in bed

• Breath prayer:
  Inhale: “God, you are with me.”
  Exhale: “You will never leave.”

For Mornings When Dread Hits First

• Oils: Orange or Grapefruit

• Practice: Open curtains, sip warm water, breathe before screens

• Anchor phrase: “I am here. God is here.”

For Decision-Making When Panic Rises

• Oils: Bergamot or Vetiver

• Practice: Box breathing (4-4-4-4) before the call, errand, or appointment

For Grounding When You Feel Unreal or Unsteady

• Oils: Frankincense or Vetiver

• Practice: Press feet into the floor. Name 5 things you can see.

• Ask gently: What is one next right thing?

Writing + breathing: How Widows Process Without Being Overwhelmed

This pairing matters more than most people realize.

Writing helps the brain integrate experience — giving grief somewhere to go instead of spinning endlessly inside the body.

When you add the benefits of essential oils, you give your nervous system a cue of safety + emotional support while you write.

That combination often makes it possible to stay present without getting swallowed.

The Gratefuls Practice

Use a comforting essential oil while you write.

12 small gratefuls (last 24 hours):

• hot water in the shower

• a text that didn’t demand anything

• a moment your shoulders dropped

• a song that felt like company

• a meal you didn’t have to think too hard about

3 large gratefuls:

• God’s presence

• Survival through an unwanted season

• A life that still holds meaning, even with pain

This doesn’t deny grief.

It widens the nervous system’s capacity to hold more than one truth at once.

Why I Personally Believe in This Support

I don’t share this as theory.

I share it because my body reached places words could not express.

Essential oils didn’t fix my grief.
They didn’t remove my loss.

But they gave my nervous system something steady to lean into and hold onto when everything else felt unsteady.

They helped me breathe when panic wanted to take over.
Sleep when my body wouldn’t land.
Stay present when the weight felt unbearable.

And over time, that really mattered and made a tremendous difference.

A Gentle Next Step (If You Feel Yourself Here)

If you’re reading this and thinking:

“I don’t need another thing — but I do need support,”

I understand.

I’ve put together some simple options for widows to find and explore using essential oils for nervous-system support.

You will find:

• which oils I personally use and recommend for widows or those grieving

• ways to use them simply (no overwhelm)

• why these matter to me and how I use them

👉 [Explore essential oils for widowhood / grief support here]

A Closing Word for Widows

If your body still feels on edge, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you loved.
It means you lost.
It means you are still adjusting to the weight of carrying these two things at once.

And there are gentle, natural supports that can help you carry it — breath, body, scent, writing, prayer — small anchors that remind your nervous system:

You are not alone in this.

Research Referenced

• Seiler et al., The Psychobiology of Bereavement — impacts on stress, immune, and autonomic pathways.

• Caballero-Gallardo et al. (2025), Aromatherapy and Essential Oils as Complementary Wellbeing Support, Plants.

Widowhood grief affects more than emotions — it impacts the nervous system, sleep, stress regulation, cognition, and the body itself. Many widows experience physical symptoms of grief such as anxiety, panic, exhaustion, disrupted sleep, and nervous system overload following the loss of a spouse. Research in bereavement psychology and psychobiology shows that prolonged grief and caregiving stress can influence autonomic nervous system rhythms, immune and inflammatory pathways, and overall wellbeing. Gentle, body-based support — including somatic practices, breathwork, journaling, prayer, and sensory tools like essential oils — may help widows support nervous system regulation and carry grief with steadiness. This post offers grief-informed, natural support options for widows seeking holistic, faith-rooted ways to care for their bodies while navigating loss.

7 Goals That Actually Matter for Widows in 2026

Losing your husband is disorienting.
There’s no easing into it. Grief doesn’t arrive gently—it takes you out. It knocks you flat on your face.

You try to get up, but the energy it takes just to stand leaves your legs shaky. The thought of walking forward—of moving into a life shaped by this kind of loss—feels beyond exhausting. Overwhelming in ways you didn’t know were possible.

Over time, you find a rhythm.
You learn how to get through the days. How to function. How to survive.

And for a while, survival feels like enough.

But somewhere along the way, a quieter question starts to surface—one you might not even say out loud:

Is survival really all there is now?

What if God has more for you than just surviving the death of your husband?
What if He honestly has more than just getting you through the day?

What about a life that still holds meaning?
What about purpose that doesn’t feel forced or fake?
What about moments that actually feel life-giving—the kind that settle your body, soften your thoughts, and remind you there is still goodness to be found, even here?

Because losing a spouse doesn’t just break your heart.

It changes how your brain works.
It changes how your body carries stress, fatigue, and emotion.
And it can quietly shift how you experience God, leaving Him feeling distant, muted, or harder to reach than He used to be.

Widowhood takes so much.
And yet… it also asks something new of us.

Not to move on.
Not to rush healing.

But to find a different rhythm—one that goes beyond survival and slowly opens space for life again.

That’s what these seven goals are about.

Not resolutions.
Not pressure.
Just what actually matters for widows stepping into 2026.

7 goals to help a widow move out of survival mode in 2026

1. create a heart space for your grief

Grief needs to be felt and processed to move.

So many widows carry the load internally—processing in their heads, over and over again. Ruminating. Over time, that kind of carrying becomes exhausting.

Making a heart space is about permission.

Permission to pause.
Permission to feel.
Permission to be honest.

This might look like creating a physical Grief Nook—a cozy chair, a journal, a wrap, a few meaningful objects. And time, time to be intentional. Time set aside where grief is allowed to exist without interruption.

Grief moves differently, more freely, when it knows it has a safe place to land and process.
And so do you. Having a physical space designed specifically to hold you well as you try new ways of processing the loss you carry with you — helps you to feel safe, seen, held and free to release.

2. Help your body feel safe

Grief doesn’t only live in the heart—it lives in the body.

After loss, the nervous system often stays on high alert. Sleep changes. Startle responses increase. Rest feels shallow or unreachable.

You can’t think your way out of that. Ruminating won’t resolve this.

Helping your body feel safe again might look like gentle grounding techniques, breath prayers, sensory awareness, or stillness. Small, repeated practices matter more than big efforts.

Science tells us that consistency helps the nervous system relearn safety. But even without knowing the science, most widows feel it when their body finds ways to exhale.

This isn’t about fixing the loss… because we can’t.
It’s about caring for yourself, and reminding yourself you are still safe and held in the midst of the ache.

3. Finding new ways to Sit with Jesus in your grief

Grief changes faith.

Prayer time shifts.
Scripture lands differently.
God can feel quieter—distant.

Many widows carry this unspoken thought:
”I don’t know how to be with God like I used to. I’m just not feeling it.”

God hasn’t changed but our ability to be present, connect, and feel safe in this world has..
This leads us to an invitation.

Sitting with Jesus in your grief and building authentic connection can look and feel very different after an extreme loss. Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes brutal honesty. Sometimes it’s a creative process. Often it is by engaging the imagination differently.

Jesus isn’t waiting for you to be “better.”
He’s already here. Right in the midst. He understands + loves you in the most tender way.

He sees you.

4. Practice gratitude without pretending

Gratitude after loss can feel very complicated.

It’s often mistaken for denial or forced positivity—and that’s not what this is about. At all.

This isn’t about slapping a grateful face on a broken heart or convincing yourself things are okay when they’re not.

And yet… there’s something important here.

Consistent gratitude practices are known to support the brain and nervous system, especially after trauma. They don’t erase pain—but they do help the mind notice moments of safety and goodness alongside grief, not instead of it.

That matters.

Because grief keeps the brain on high alert. And gratitude, practiced gently and honestly, can help soften anxiety and bring the nervous system out of constant bracing.

One simple rhythm many widows find supportive looks like this:

• noticing small, everyday moments that don’t hurt

• returning to a few big anchors that have carried you over time

Noticing doesn’t mean celebrating.
It just means allowing your brain to register something neutral or good without arguing with it.

Over time, this kind of practice helps different parts of the brain work together more smoothly. It creates small shifts—less looping, a little more breath, a little more space.

This isn’t about pretending life is okay.
It’s about helping your brain remember that goodness still exists in the middle of grief.

And sometimes, that’s enough for today.

GOAL 4 - Try listing 12 small gratefuls from the last 24 hours — little things you are thankful fo. And list 3 BIG gratefuls over the span of your life. Make a daily practice of this.

5. Move in ways that help grief move

Grief lives in the body.

Unprocessed emotion often shows up as tension, fatigue, pain, illness or restlessness. Thoughts loop. Emotions and experiences get stuck.

And surprisingly, movement doesn’t have to be an intense workout to be effective.

Walking. Stretching. Dancing. A gentle rhythm. Breathing while moving.

Somatic practices help emotions complete their cycle instead of lodging inside the body. Over time, movement can soften anxiety, bring clarity, and help your system release what it’s been holding.

In 2026, let movement be about listening, relaxing + releasing—not pushing.

6. Connection of the heart

Grief isolates in quiet ways.

Not always because people leave—but because it becomes harder to know how to share what’s real. You don’t want to overwhelm anyone. You don’t want to manage their reactions. Sometimes you don’t even know where to start.

Connection doesn’t have to mean a crowd.

It might be one trusted friend.
It might be a small grief group.
It might be intentional conversation where honesty is welcome and fixing or resolving is not the goal.

Grief moves differently when it’s witnessed. When it is held with care and kindness.

This is the heart behind The Widow’s Table Challenge—a six-week invitation into intentional, grief-informed conversation for widows and the friends who want to love them well.

No platitudes.
No pressure.
Just space to speak and be heard.

If you want more information on this sign up for the newsletter below. It will be coming out in January.

7. Letting your love go somewhere again

One of the quieter, less recognized, losses in widowhood is this:
your love suddenly has nowhere to go.

Your encouragement.
Your care.
Your tenderness.

Many widows unconsciously tuck this away, believing it’s safer not to offer too much of themselves. Or believing they don’t have the energy or will to offer it.

But we were created to love others. Love that has nowhere to go doesn’t disappear—it turns inward and grows heavy.

Letting your love go somewhere again doesn’t mean getting into a romantic relationship, or over-giving, or rescuing. It simply means allowing the gift of you, or something you have to offer, to be shared in a way that feels safe and life-giving.

Love is still a part of who you are. What you still carry and still have to offer.
And someone, somewhere, in this broken world needs what God has given you to offer.

Something thoughtful, something small, or big. A kind word, a thoughtful card, a meal…

2026 Goal - make a weekly pattern of giving some love and encouragement from your heart to another.

A word about time - Schedule it, write it down.

Grief has a way of distorting time.

Days blur.
Weeks slip by.
Months pass and you wonder where they went. And change can be hard.

This is where writing things down can be quietly powerful—not to track progress, but to help your brain light up. What fires together, wires together.

Journaling your grief experiences, recording your daily gratefuls, planning your weekly gives, or simply recording small rhythms can help anchor meaning in a season that often feels scattered.

This mattered.
I mattered.
This moment counted.

A gentle invitation

If this resonated, recognize that you’re not behind.
You noticed, you’re paying attention, and you are headed into new areas.

Through my newsletter, I share:

• Grief Nook setup ideas

• Somatic practices for nervous system care

• Journal rhythms that don’t add pressure

• Science-informed grief support

• Details about The Widow’s Table Challenge

No fixing.
No rushing.
Just thoughtful + kind care for yourself in the wake of deep loss.

You are so welcome here. Just as you are.
And you’re welcome at the table.

Widows, do you need help moving beyond survival mode? Here are 7 steps you can make a priority in 2026.

Widowhood impacts the brain, body, faith, and relationships in profound ways that often go unseen. This grief-informed reflection offers widows practical and compassionate guidance for life after the loss of a husband, including nervous system support, somatic grief practices, spiritual connection with Jesus, honest relationships, and community care. Written for widows seeking meaning beyond survival, this article explores holistic grief support, faith after loss, and relational healing through intentional practices and safe connection. Additional resources, including grief journaling, Grief Nook setup, somatic tools, and the Widow’s Table Challenge, are available through ongoing support shared by the author.

Essential Oils & Practices for Grief Support for Widows | Supporting the body, brain, breath, and heart.

Grief isn’t just emotional…

For widows, it lives in the nervous system, the gut, the immune response, the muscles, memory, and the breath.

Sleep is disrupted.
Pain increases.
Appetite changes.
The body stays on alert.
The mind feels foggy or overwhelmed.

This is not happening because you are weak.
It is grief doing what grief does.

Because grief lives in the body, it helps to have practices that support the body—with honesty. care, patience, and love.

Essential oils work by engaging these systems through scent, skin, and internal pathways, helping the body settle enough to process what the heart is carrying. Paired with embodied practices—breath prayer, writing, stillness, gratitude—they become loving companions in widowhood.

Not to avoid or repress grief.
But to help you stay present while you carry it.

How Oils + Practices Support Grief

Scent communicates directly with the limbic system—the part of the brain connected to emotion, memory, and safety. Writing engages both sides of the brain, allowing emotion and meaning to work together. Breath anchors the nervous system in the present moment.

Together, these practices:

• support nervous system regulation

• soften chronic stress responses

• help integrate memory and emotion

• create space for prayerful presence

They don’t erase sorrow.
They hold space for it.

1. Sleep

Settling the nervous system into rest

What it supports

• Parasympathetic (rest-and-restore) activation

• Reduced nighttime stimulation + alertness

• Deeper, more consistent sleep rhythms

Why it works
Certain plant compounds influence GABA activity, limbic calm, and cortisol rhythms—all essential for sleep.

Use

Aromatic
Lavender • Roman Chamomile • Cedarwood (diffuse before bed)

Topical
Lavender + carrier oil on feet, chest, or back of neck

Internal
Lavender in warm tea or honey before sleep

Practice
Breath prayer in bed:
Inhale: “I am safe.”
Exhale: “I can rest.”

2. Waking Up — Uplifting & Hopeful

Gently re-engaging

What it supports

• Dopamine and serotonin signaling

• Mental clarity and motivation

• Emotional release without overstimulation

Why it works
Citrus and herbal oils stimulate alertness centers and mood pathways while supporting oxygen flow to the brain.

Use

Aromatic
Orange • Grapefruit • Rosemary

Topical
Orange + rosemary on wrists or back of neck

Internal
Lemon or orange in warm water on waking

Practice

• Open curtains

• Speak one hopeful truth aloud while inhaling

3. Calming While Taking Action

Steady focus without panic

What it supports

• Balanced nervous system tone

• Reduced cortisol during decision-making

• Calm energy for tasks that must be done

Why it works
These oils help regulate the stress response while maintaining mental clarity.

Use

Aromatic
Bergamot • Lavender • Vetiver

Topical
Roller on wrists before meetings, errands, or calls

Internal
Bergamot in tea before stressful tasks

Practice
Box breathing: inhale 4 / hold 4 / exhale 4 / hold 4

4. Grounding When You Feel Unstable

Re-anchoring when emotions feel shaky

What it supports

• Sensory orientation

• Vagal tone

• Emotional presence and embodiment

Why it works
Resinous and earthy oils connect sensory input to emotional regulation and physical awareness.

Use

Aromatic
Frankincense • Vetiver • Patchouli

Topical
Diluted oil on feet or along spine

Internal
Frankincense in capsule or drop under tongue

Practice

• Feet flat on the floor

• Name what you feel in your body while breathing

5. Anti-Inflammatory Support

Easing the physical toll of prolonged stress

What it supports

• Immune balance

• Reduced inflammatory signaling

• Tissue repair and recovery

Why it works
Many plant compounds influence inflammatory pathways and oxidative stress.

Use

Topical
Helichrysum • Ginger • Frankincense in carrier oil

Internal
Turmeric or frankincense blends with meals

Practice

• Gentle warmth (compress or blanket)

• Stillness afterward.

6. Pain Relief

Releasing tension and guarding

What it supports

• Circulation

• Muscle relaxation

• Pain perception modulation

Why it works
Cooling and calming oils influence nerve signaling and muscle response.

Use

Topical
Peppermint • Lavender • Eucalyptus (massage slowly)

Internal
Ginger or turmeric

Practice

• Long exhale breathing during massage

7. Digestion & Appetite

Restoring the gut–brain conversation

What it supports

• Digestive signaling

• Appetite awareness

• Reduced nausea and tightness

Why it works
The gut and nervous system are deeply connected; these oils support vagal tone and digestive comfort.

Use

Aromatic
Peppermint • Ginger • Lemon

Topical
Clockwise abdominal massage (diluted)

Internal
Peppermint or ginger tea
Lemon in water before meals

Practice

• Hand on belly

• Slow breaths before eating

8. Forgiveness & Emotional Softening

Letting go without bypassing

What it supports

• Emotional regulation

• Heart-centered processing

• Reduced emotional reactivity

Why it works
Floral oils engage emotional memory and parasympathetic response, supporting tenderness rather than defense.

Use

Aromatic
Rose • Bergamot • Ylang-ylang

Topical
Over the heart during reflection

Practice

• Write what hurts

• Then write what you’re releasing

9. Breath Prayers

Deepening connection through breath

What it supports

• Vagus nerve activation

• Emotional safety

• Prayerful presence

Why it works
Breath and scent together slow heart rate and anchor attention.

Use

Aromatic
Frankincense or lavender

Topical
Chest or palms before prayer

Practice

• Inhale 4 / Exhale 6–8

• Pair with sacred phrases

10. Journaling & Gratitude

Opening the mind and heart

What it supports

• Emotional integration

• Memory processing

• Creative expression

Why it works
Scent supports emotional safety while writing integrates brain hemispheres—bringing emotion and meaning back into conversation.

Use

Aromatic
Lavender • Rose • Bergamot

Topical
Roller on wrists while writing

Internal
Warm tea with citrus oil

Practice

• Write freely

• No fixing, no filtering

Gratefuls Practice

• Write 12 small gratefuls from the last 24 hours

• Write 3 large gratefuls across your lifetime

This practice helps the nervous system notice safety again and preserves what grief fog often tries to erase.

11. Emotional Regulation

When feelings come in waves

Supports

• Hormonal balance

• Nervous system steadiness

Blend
Clary Sage • Bergamot • Lavender

Practice

• Hand on chest

• Gentle rocking or swaying

12. Creative Clarity & Discernment

When grief fog dulls insight

Supports

• Focus

• Memory

• Inspired thinking

Blend
Basil • Rosemary • Lemon

Practice

• Use during creative journaling or prayerful listening

The Big Picture

Essential oils support grief by helping the body feel safe enough to:

• rest

• breathe

• digest

• soften

• feel

• and stay present

They don’t replace the work of grief.
They hold the body steady while the heart does it.

If you are a widow reading this, know this:
You are allowed to be supported.
Your body matters in your grief.
And gentle care is not a luxury—it is part of how you stay healthy and keep moving step by step.

natural ways to come alongside your grief and help it to become integrated within your body, mind and life as you move forward as a widow.

This article explores essential oils and embodied practices for grief support in widowhood, focusing on how grief affects the nervous system, body, brain, breath, digestion, sleep, pain, and emotional regulation. It offers holistic grief support for widows through essential oils used aromatically, topically, and internally, alongside practices such as breath prayer, journaling, gratitude, and nervous system regulation. This resource is designed for widows seeking gentle, faith-informed, body-based grief care that honors loss while supporting presence, integration, and daily life after death.

Grief isn't an emotion, it's a lived experience.

Grief isn’t just something you feel.

It’s something you live.

It doesn’t pass through or pass by over time. It settles in your chest, changes your pace, reshapes your thoughts, and carves its way into your everyday choices. Grief becomes part of how you breathe. How you think. How you carry love forward into a world that no longer looks like it once did.

It is not a moment or a stage.
It’s a recalibration - of what feels like, absolutely everything.

And the truth is, it matters.

Grief has VALUE

Grief matters because love matters.

Grief is not a sign that something went wrong. It’s a sign that something beautiful existed - something irreplaceable, something sacred.

It’s the shadow love casts when the person is gone, but the heartprint and wired in memories remain.

And that’s where things get confusing.
Because the relationship doesn’t stop.
The love doesn’t go away.
The memories don’t leave, even when the person does.

That’s the tension.
The friction of holding what’s still current in your soul… but not physcially true in your presence.

You still hear their voice.
You wait for their sound.

You remember the feeling of them right there beside you.
You brain has them wired into every moment of your future plans - and you have to wiggle through every single one of those as they come, working through them with your new reality.

It’s what I call a, holy ache: the presence of what was, still alive inside the absence of what is.

The Cost of Calling Grief “Just” an Emotion

Too often, the world will treat grief like a feeling.
Something that will pass. Something to be managed.
Something people expect you to "get over.", “get past”, “work through”, “come to terms with”.

But grief is not that simple.

When we minimize it to an emotion, we rush people through it.
We silence their voices with platitudes.

We dismiss their pain with timelines.
We shame them for the impact of loss that still remains or lingers.

But the truth is, grief doesn’t just touch the heart - it touches the brain. The body. The mind. The soul.

It disrupts thought patterns and memories. It changes your physical rhythms - your appetite, your sleep, your immune system. It alters how safe or unsafe the world feels. It reroutes every automatic thing you once knew.

This is not weakness. In fact, it takes tremendous strength.
It’s the cost of re-learning an entirely new life after loss.

This Is What Grief Looks Like

You have to reimagine every part of your day.
The person who once helped you decide things, calm your fears, make you laugh - they’re not here. And now it’s all up to you.

That’s not just painful.
That’s exhausting.

This is grief:
Trying to remember passwords.

Forgetting what day it is.
Staring into space.
Crying in the car.
Making a simple decision and feeling shattered by it.

Not because you’re broken.
But because your mind, body, and soul are doing the hard work of loving still, even in the absence. And that takes a strength that no one can see, or understand, unless they have sat in it.

And Yet, We Keep Going

Somehow, we show up.
Not always polished.
Not always okay.
But honest. Present. Carrying more than most people know.

We find ways to have grace for those who miss the mark on what this journey is about. Or what it should look like.

And slowly - over time - we realize something:

This grief has changed us. We have learned much in the process of it.

We have done extremely hard work carrying this love with us.

And we always will …

For the rest of our days we will carry the memories, the aches, and the gratitude.

You’re Not Meant to Carry This Alone

If you’re in this place - where your grief feels misunderstood - I want you to know something:

You're not alone.
And grief is not too much.

You’re not stuck.

You’re grieving.
And that’s holy.
It deserves time, tenderness, and space to be understood - not silenced.

As a grief coach and spiritual director, I walk with women navigating this ache - helping them find gentle ground beneath their feet again. Not rushing them. Not fixing them. But listening deeply and helping them carry this with honesty, presence, and dignity.

Grief and faith can walk together.
Tears and hope can live in the same body.
And even now - especially now - you are worth walking with.

A Gentle Invitation

If you're walking through deep loss and want someone beside you who understands both the neuroscience and the spiritual ache of grief, I’d be honored to walk with you.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Learn More About Grief Coaching + Spiritual Direction

We’ll move gently.
We’ll listen for what still matters.
And we’ll carry it forward - with kindness.

You can click below to set up a consult if you would like to see about walking together in your grief.

Immunity Building Fire Cider Recipes + Benefits

Grief and stress can wear your immune system down quickly. Fire Cider provides tremendous health benefits to your immune system and it is really easy to make. Below you will find a simple how-to for making the Fire Cider with different options for using it: salad dressings, stir fry sauce, red curry and some delish golden milk.

3 uncommon truths about stored grief.

Grief is more than thoughts, or feelings, it is a full body experience. It impacts our entire bodies. Which means what we do with our grief can make a tremendous difference. Whether we stuff it, store it, reserve it, repress it - or we allow it, feel it, work through it, honor it, finding our unique ways to move it and respect it the way it deserves.

Recently I heard that the loss of a love is like a rock. We can stick it in our pocket, we can hold it up to view it, we can stick it in a bag we are carrying, we can hold it to our heart… but we are carrying it from now until forever. HOW we carry it can change, where we carry it can change, how we and when we choose to. look at it may change. But the weight and size of it won’t diminish. But, in carrying that rock, we will develop new techniques, muscles, and balance. We will learn, we will adapt.

One of the best parts of walking through grief with someone is finding the beautifully bittersweet ways of allowing, honoring and working through the hard spaces of adjusting to this added weight of grief. This is where we find hope.

Hope is not sticking a bandaid of words or ideas over pain, it is in hearing, feeling, sharing, and processing stories, memories, and current grief impact on our hearts, minds, bodies and relationships. Grief isn’t about letting go but about carrying it with. That idea has some discomfort that comes with because who wants to feel loss forever, and it brings a sense of relief with permission to be vulnerably raw about the truth of what you are feeling today.

I’m rooting for you in the space of this. I’m praying God is meeting you right where you are, showing you it is okay, all the feelings. He is not disappointed, or distant, he is ever-presently in this with you. Just as you are. And maybe the hardest part is feeling that or believing it. But I pray you do. I pray you know that you know, that God has never walked away, or taken his eyes off of you, he has been holding you all along. All you need to do right now is find ways to rest in that truth.

If you would like to book an appointment with me to discover some ways to move through your grief, you can set up a consult appointment here.

5 Surprising Symptoms from Held Grief

Dealing with grief isn't just about “feeling” sad—it can also show up in surprising physical ways that you might not be aware of. Often in grief we are just trying to get by, pushing on and/or sometimes repressing. These common responses may work short-term but long term can create some additional setbacks for us. Here are five unexpected physical symptoms that can come from grief unexpressed (or unmoved):

1. Aching All Over: Ever noticed your body feels achy or sore for no apparent reason? Grief can actually make your muscles tense up, causing back pain, headaches, or even joint stiffness.

2. Tummy Troubles: When you're grieving, it's not uncommon to experience digestive issues like stomachaches, bloating, or changes in your bathroom routine. Stress really does a number on your gut!

3. Catch Every Cold: Grief can weaken your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to catching every bug that goes around. So, if you find yourself constantly under the weather, it might be more than just bad luck.

4. Heart Flutter: Have you ever felt your heart racing or fluttering unexpectedly? Emotional stress from grief can cause palpitations or irregular heartbeats that can feel pretty unsettling.

5. Sleep Struggles: Whether it's trouble falling asleep or feeling exhausted all the time, grief can seriously mess with your sleep patterns. It's like your mind and body are working overtime, making it hard to get the rest you need.

Recognizing these physical signs of grief is important because it shows how much our emotions can impact our bodies. Taking care of yourself during tough times isn't just about talking it out—it's also about being kind to your body, getting support from friends and family, and maybe even seeking help from a professional if you need it. Remember, it's okay to feel all these things, and taking care of yourself is always the right move.

If you feel stuck or are looking to find new ways to process your grief, you can sign up for a 30 min. consult with me here.

Do you trust me? The repeated question that changed my grief journey.

The other day I was sitting rather mindlessly allowing my thoughts to move with ease bouncing back and forth through memories and my current day situation. This relaxed state of mind practice seems quite natural to most but non-existent to many who are grieving. To allow the grieving mind to drift is to consider the thought of physically jumping into a boxing ring. You don’t know what thought will take that swing that leads to a knockout. The fact I was free to relax my thinking and coast back to review the lived-out chapters showed I was making progress.

As I sat there seeing the chapters of life without Dave flipping before me God revealed a piece of His beautiful offering that had helped provide me with shelter in the midst of the pelting grief storm. It was a question that was posed to me over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again and again. A question of weighted words that wouldn’t make space for a flippant answer. It was a question pointed like a magnifying scope looking straight to the core of my entire being.

“Do you trust me?” -Jesus

You see, my body and mind took many different forms in my grief: from laid out flat sleeping to a curled-up sobbing fetal position. From arms waving in the air praising, to my head resting on my Bible soaking. From scuffing my feet through the red soil of Africa serving, to lounging at my friend’s cabin receiving. From voraciously studying and creating in order to provide my way, to trying to relax just enough to find calm in my racing heart with solitude and rest.

I was scared in the face of the unknown and I was doing everything I knew I should to find my way and make my path straight. Until I couldn’t, and then I would run like crazy and try to escape the pain. Until I realized the pain follows you because it is part of you, it dwells within. There is no escaping it. So, back to creating. Back to learning. Back to doing. Back to… you name it.

BUT THROUGHOUT.

This is the part that matters most. This is the plumbline of truth that keeps our foundation level when we build upon it. That repeated question asked throughout the mayhem of my stability-building attempts: “Do YOU trust ME?” -Jesus?

The question would often catch me off-guard, stop me in my tracks, and take my heaving breath away from me. My vision would narrow in on Him, eyes locking, nerves settling, worries decreasing, fear subsiding, grounding found. “YES.” “I trust YOU, Jesus.”

“I question this world and the people in it, myself included. But I trust you yesterday, today, and forever.” Honestly. In the wake of the storms, my answer is still YES. More now than ever. and with that trust, the next step comes a little easier. Jesus is indeed trustworthy even in the unknown and in the broken.

I could write five chapters on this but for now, I want to keep it to this next point: When the unknown of your future gets loud or feels shakey, there is a way through it. This pattern of a repeated trust statement changes things. The key is that you have to believe it. You have to envision a very real Jesus holding your hand, scooping you up, leading the way, walking alongside, gazing into your eyes, and seeing the very core of your being. He knows you, He loves you, and every single thing about you matters to Him. He has a plan for you and it is a really good one.

Not despite the broken but because of it.

Do you trust Him?

Unfelt Grief | How to Honor Your Sadness + Process Through It

Pain, it’s natural for us to want to avoid it, right? Our built in avoidance techniques shift into gear before we even recognize them. This leads us to a place of trapped emotions. These emotions can wreak havoc in our mind and bodies.

I don’t know what events lead you here. But for me the alarms signals began blaring after I lost my husband. I had been through a lot of loss + hardship prior to. Unfortunately, I thought I was handling the past events fine. As I have been learning new ways to process my sadness and recognize triggers old stuff has emerged as well. My body was keeping the score.

So in this post I want to WELCOME YOU to a simple practice of honoring your sadness. Helping you to see that you don’t need to be afraid of it or press it down. I want you to have freedom from the fear of sadness leaking out or erupting by practicing ways to welcome it. With the practice of holding sadness sessions, by allowing it and moving it through, it will help release a lot of the pressure of the unexpected outbursts. Oh, triggers will still bring some tears but they may not have the same energy behind them and you will know what helps you to move through it. This really helps, truly.

You want to start by creating a safe space and protected time. Someplace you feel comfortable and won’t be easily interrupted. You may want music playing, essential oils diffusing, a candle lit, a cozy blanket, or the fresh air with grass underneath you. Just find space somewhere that you feel safe enough.

The next thing I do is grab some scriptures and read them asking God for his clarity and truth to be present as I begin to feel and process. I invite Him into the space with me. This reminds me that I am NOT ALONE, He is leading.

Then I grab an essential oil and put a drop in the palm of my hand and rub my palms together. While my brain is preparing to settle into the memories or situation I am doing my deep breathing. In through my nose for 5 seconds, exhale through my nose for 7-11 seconds. and repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Eventually I drop my hands, my eyes are closed and tears are streaming. (Keep the tissue close by and make sure the oils aren’t on your finger tips for the tear wipes.)

Often during this time Jesus arrives on the scene and shows me something new about it. Not always, but often. When that I like to journal down the notes.

This process seems simple enough, doesn’t it? Just wait until you make a commitment to start practicing this and you will see how powerful it is. God is a creative God and as you begin trying this He will show you new things to try and do in response.

The goal of this isn’t to circle and spin in one thought, it is to learn how to move through them. These hurts are stored in our memory banks but how we respond to them makes a big difference in how we show up in the world. If you feel stuck you may need professional help to learn some new techniques or skills. Don’t be afraid of that either. Seeking help is one of the bravest things you can do and it is such a terrific reminder that you are not in this alone. People care and want to help you!

I am also listing oils specifically helpful for processing sadness. These essential oils can do a multitude of things but today I am sharing a list of them for emotional support with sadness. Breathe is exceptionally good for this particular practice as it opens the airways and clears thinking.

• Hope essential oil blend

• Rose essential oil

• Console essential oil blend

• Citrus Bliss essential oil blend

• Ylang Ylang essential oil

• Siberian fir essential oil

• Peppermint essential oil

• Eucalyptus essential oil

These are terrific natural options for helping your mind to relax, release, feel and move through.

I’m praying for you and your process. I know God is with you in this, and so am I.

The impact of grief on the Nervous System + how to heal it.

Grief can take a real toll on your mind, brain and body. It rolls in with all of it’s heaviness and the questioning sets in with it.

Will I be able to handle this? It feels like too much. How long will this last? Am I going to make it? I still feel broken.

And we get questions from people, we feel the opinions of others (whether they be real or not), we listen to the experts, and we compare.

The more restless we get, the more inferior we feel in our grief, the more our mind sees and experiences a psychological threat. And next thing we know our focus narrows, our brain spins, our body responds with all of stress alarms and signals. We become even more tired.

The great news is that we can interrupt this tiresome toxic pattern by following the following steps:

As we recognize our patterns and establish new ways to rewire them we begin to heal. The first step starts with our thoughts, our beliefs about ourselves.

We have to hijack the cycle by inserting new, positive, thoughts that speak the truth about who God created us to be and who He says He is for us. We may be running a bit short on strength but the One will always be more than enough.

1. Identify the root of the negative thought

2. Develop a statement of truth that offsets that thought. Know it well.

3. Whenever your pattern presents itself spout out that statement and break the pattern. And praise God for helping you to recognize it and do something about it.

The truth is that God has designed you beautifully. He has created you for a purpose knowing full well every single chapter of your story and how they would equip you for the next. He understands the weariness of it all and He is right there with you in the thick of it.

Trust me, I know this is not an easy journey. But it is worth doing well, you are worth the investment of proper grief healing. This is just the beginning but it is a good one…

Grief Serum Recipe: a simple + kind nightly routine towards healing.

Grief is sneaky.

Grief is heavy.

Grief is exhausting.

Grief can deplete us to a place where we barely recognize ourselves.

And here is the thing…

Sometimes it wears us down to a level that not only impacts our state of mind but our bodies and potentially our belief systems as well. We may end up believing we don’t have anything in us to pull out of the pit we are currently in. That is a flat-out LIE though… even in the depths of grief, we can still continue to take steps towards healing.

That is what this post is all about. Having a super simple tool on hand that feels darn good, is relaxing, and helps you take steps towards healing.

I have found at the end of the day, during the time that pillow talk would typically happen, I needed a way to care for myself and remind myself I was going to be okay. Somehow, my evening process with this simple technique was not only caring for me but it also helped me to remember I was wanting to show up better and stronger for my future.

Note: You aren’t limited to using it at night, these tools and techniques can be used any time of day, whenever grief overwhelm strikes. Many of the oils do assist

Let me tell you a little bit about why I chose these specific essential oils included in my Grief Serum Recipe. Each one provides essential oils that help provide emotional stability, promote movement throughout the mind + body, and are especially good for the skin. I am telling you these are grief-busting oils. They target the areas that grief has tried to make me out, and I am guessing you as well.

Look, I am not saying this is a “do this and BAM, IT’S INSTANTLY BETTER.” But what I am saying is it truly is a soothing technique that does a lot more than just feel good. Whether you feel them or not your body and mind are responding, and with consistent use there will be substantial change. And yes, how it does work for me instantly is in the reminder that I care about myself, I care about my future, I care about how I process my grief and move forward.

I have a graphic posted with the recipe, the number on each essential oil bottle is how many drops to put in the 10ml roller bottle, and then top with baobab oil. You can use another low-comedogenic oil but this one is an absolute favorite of mine.

Make sure you check out the graphics I have posted here to see more on the oil-specific benefits. And feel free to do your own check on each one, you will be BLOWN AWAY. So good!

If you don’t have these specific oils I have a link to grab them here: GRIEF SKINCARE OILS

This investment towards natural health is completely worth it and trust me, there are SO many additional uses for these beauties. (If you decide to grab these make sure and send me a note so I can get you my additional uses booklet.)

Items you will need:

Frankincense, Helichrysum, Blue Tansy + Roman Chamomile

Baobab Oil Carrier Oil

10ml White / Gold Rollerbottles

Beginner’s Face Massage Book

There are a whole host of resources you can use to learn new techniques for self-administered face, foot, and body massage. The book I have listed above is really simple to follow along with and in the thick of heavy grief simple matters. I also have a lymphatic book that is spectacular: The Book of Lymph , if you want to get a little more specific in areas you are addressing. I use it for my sinus congestion. One more item I find really helpful is my Gua Sha stone, it is cool + smooth, I love the way it glides across my skin with the grief serum. These aren’t necessary, just for those who like to dive deep quickly. The essential oils + the baobab oil in a roller bottle, and your hands, are all you need to do the basic techniques in the beginner’s book.

I’d love to hear your feedback after trying this nightly for a few weeks. Let me know if you experience slightly deeper sleep, calmer nerves, or maybe a spark of nurture has lit for your weary soul.

Grief is hard work but it is SO worth it! I am praying this technique becomes a simple and effective tool for you to have in your grief toolbox.

Grief. Stress and Cortisol: the Physical Weight of Grief

Grief is a bugger. It can take a serious toll. I think when we lose a loved one we all expect our minds to be deeply troubled and overwhelmed, our bodies to feel heavy, as well as our hearts hurting. And by heart, I mean the one that is not physically pumping blood but more of an identifiable place within us that we store up our treasures.

But the fact is, that grief doesn’t just impact our thought or emotional life. Grief deeply impacts our entire being; our blood-pumping heart as well as the rest of our body. Our minds + bodies get pretty darn stressed in the wake of loss . We have some pretty great systems in place to help us cope but they certainly tucker out over time.

And here is the deal… grief is rarely, if ever, short-term. So, our bodies get stressed and just can’t handle the load well… our stress alarms begin to get uber-sensitive and go off haphazardly. With each ringing alarm, our poor nerves get frazzled and tattered. Can you feel it? Do you relate?

IF so, how many times a day does your stress alarm go off irrationally? Do you get startled at the slightest thing?

Grief has an array of effects on our body but a very common one is an overactive fight or flight response. I know this is still an active problem for me.
Acute stress unresolved can quickly become chronic stress. It’s important to learn some calming and restorative techniques that can help you deal with it as it hits.

I have a list of really great natural options. They differ depending on the setting. If I am out and about my response looks a lot different than if I am at home where I have privacy.

But my #1 quick go-to is grabbing a mint or citrus essential oil bottle, cracking the cap off and inhaling the thing for 1-2 minutes. BIG DEEP breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth help me to slow down my brain enough to talk to God about what I am facing - even if I can only get out “Help me, God.”

The other thing that happens in that moment is the essential oils begin to work with my brain at processing those feelings while helping my nerves to calm down. Just smelling them accomplishes this.

This is my quick + easy approach in an emergency situation. I do have a particular process I go through to help me work through my grief on a deeper level. I have shared some of it in the Hope for the Grieving Heart self-guided digital workbook. It’s available in our store.

One thing I am sure of, it is REALLY important to fund your way to work through it and process it. Stuffing, or avoiding will not work long-term. Your body really does keep the score.

If you need more help discovering what works for you make sure and check out my book or pop over to our instagram account. We have a lot more resources coming your way.

My one prayer for every single person wiggling their way through grief is this, that you truly feel Jesus meeting you in the thick of it. That you have energy enough to look for him and listen. He has the sweetest way of meeting you in the depths and tending to your broken heart. Other things are needed but they don’t amount to much without him.

Healing through grief isn’t easy but it is SO WORTH IT!

5 tips for Gripping Hope through the Holidays: dealing with Grief + Emotions

She sat there, or was trying to. Even the task of sitting brought discomfort. It required stillness, and stillness allowed for ALL of the emotions to be felt. If only she could just keep doing, moving, planning….

but she was exhausted. All of her attempts at grief escape had left her depleted. Her mind + body needed rest but the physical and mental exhaust had only dropped the defensive walls down to the surface of the grief flood waters, they were brimming, beginning to splash over a little. How might she avoid the onrushing waves that were certain to crash in soon? Oh, please, not now….

She was tired. Too tired for the heavy weep of sorrow. Oh, so tired… but oh so unsettled. Letting the grief flow freely was still so difficult, so painful.

But so was avoiding it, just a different kind of steady pain that she barely recognized was happening. Recognized or not, it was crippling her. It was taking her out, little by little, day by day. She had to find a way…

And so she did, and she still does. Because grief is certain to come and go.

But now, most of the time, she knows when to welcome it, and how she can do that best.

Let’s see if some of the tips in the slide show above help you. I tried to think of some of the biggest issues I have faced coping with grief during the holidays. It’s challenging, I won’t lie. But, we do have options that can help us manage better, help us find our way through it with a little more ease. It isn’t easy but it feels better after we do it. Honest!

I created a mini-book for you to help to move through the holidays. It has more detailed information and access to some of what I use regularly in my Grief Toolbox. You can click the link HERE for my HOPE for the Grieving Heart Mini-Book. It is only $6.95, up for a very limited time at just a fraction of the cost that my physical book will be. So grab it while you can!

4 Ideas for Lymphatic Cleansing

The lymphatic system is like your body’s second circulatory system. It is responsible for the following:

• Detoxification of waste products from the body

• Immunity boosts to keep the body healthy

• Transportation of nutrients throughout the body

It might help if you think of the lymphatic system as your body’s trash collector and disposal system. It pumps lymphatic fluids throughout the body in order to absorb toxins + waste so that it can eliminate them from the body. If your lymphatic system slows down it can quickly clog and cause major problems with major organs and systems within the body.

The lymphatic system plays another very important role by absorbing the fats + vitamins you take in and delivering them where they need to go. When we take all of that into consideration, and we recognize how our physical bodies impact the brain, mind + emotions… Well, you can see why it is vital to do your best to keep it working smoothly.

So, I put together four VERY simple and easy techniques that are gentle + kind to your system. For those of you in the thick of grief I know it is easy to get overstimulated and overwhelmed, so I wanted to keep it super simple.

These are all things I have been using over the last few years, I actually began them prior to Dave’s passing, during his illness. I am here to tell you, no matter what shape you are in, you will feel SO MUCH better implementing these.

Just pick one, after a few days try adding another if you feel up to it.

GUA SHA is a simple technique that you can easily do yourself. There are several youtube tutorials to follow. You will need the following items:

• a GUA SHA stone

• Essential Oil Face Serum w/ Frankincense, Lavender, Myrrh, Helichrysum, Hawaiian Sandalwood, and Rose. (PLEASE, only use certified + pure, 3rd party tested eos, many are adulterated + filled with toxins in the name of “fragrance”)

Here is a Gua Sha Beginners video (click here)

HYDRATE more water, more water, more water. Increase your water to 50% of your weight. HNow does that work - claculate by taking your weight in pounds + drink half of that in ounces of water. Make SURE it is filtered. No plastic bottles. No carbonation. No juice. Just water counts for this one. You can have other drinks but they don’t contribute to your count. And caffeine can actually take away from it.

Drinking water with 1-2 drops of lemon or grapefruit essential oil in it is excellent for detox + your body while at the same time it will really uplift your mood.

• Berkey Water Filters are some of the best around for removing bacteria, pesticides, minerals and metals .

• Lemon essential oil, or grapefruit, are essential to add to your water for a gentle detox.

• Hydro Flask makes my FAVORITE water bottle to use with essential oils. Using a water bottle helps keep the tracking easy. (You want to use metal or glass when using eos.)

DETOX BATH SOAK is oh-so relaxing + calming to the mind it is also an AMAZING way to pump up that lymphatic system.

Hot water will dilate blood vessels, the epsom salt and baking soda draw out the impurities. Essential oils boost your body’s natural ability to purge what it needs to + support your lymphatic system.

• 2 cups Epsom Salt

• 1 cup Baking Soda

• Essential Oil Blend specifically designed to help boost your body’s detox system with Tangerine Peel, Rosemary Leaf, Geranium Flower/Leaf, Juniper Berry, Cilantro Herb essential oils.

  Directions: Fill the tub with hot water. Mix the salt, soda + 6 drops of the essential oil. Blend well. Add to bathwater just before soaking and stir in well. Soak for 30-45 minutes.

  Repeat weekly. Make sure and hydrate extra well after your soak, and the following day.

Now, let’s talk REBOUNDING.

This is SO incredibly good for all the cells in your body. It is gentle on the joints. It totally helps with mood, especially when you pump up some. music.

It stimulates the lymphatic system and moves those nasty toxins right out of your body. This is one of the fastest ways to jiggle + shake ALL those lymph nodes in your body at one time.

I have a jamming playlist I play on my earbuds as I get in the zone. I also pop a couple of peppermint beadlets in advance because there are studies done on the effects of this essential oil and increasde physical performance. PLUS it opens the airways and completely lifts my mood.

You don’t have to jump intensely, just hop on a bounce gently, pick it up a little and then back to gentle. Have fun with it.

I like the ones with handles, and some are foldable for easier storage, like this one that’s available on Amazon: Rebounder

Check out this diagram with all the lymph nodes in the body. Crazy right? I figured seeing them may help you want to do something to help them be tip-top.

Now, go jiggle + jump, hydrate + flush, soak + release, and massage those babies.

Make sure and let me know what you try and how it works. Let me know if you have any questions.

If you are really spurred on to do all you can and you really want to dive in, you can always go for a full-on detox kit. We have a great natural option that steps through the elimination pathways in the proper order so that you get maximum detox results without side effects. When you purchase the kit you will also receive an ebook + gift box from us. You have us to help walk you through it as well. This is something we highly suggest doing two times a year. You’ll be amazed at how clear your skin is, how your energy increases, and mental clarity. BOOM!

You can purchase your all-natural detox solution here: Detox Kit

Alcohol may calm your nerves + numb your pain? But it is also poison to your brain.

A little sip, turns into a glass or two. Relaxed, right? Seems like a good way to unwind, especially when the health industry has been saying it has quite a few benefits. 

But wait, does it? And if so do they outweigh the harm?

And what does this have to do with the grief process anyway? A lot.

I think many consider wine/alcohol as a natural sedative. After Dave died I must have been brought wine with nearly every meal delivered from friends. And to be fair, there has been a handful of times I have sipped on a glass, but it is far from a normal routine for me. And this isn’t because of the idea of brain damage, because I didn’t have this info from Doctor Daniel Amen and his extensive research yet, but it was more about wanting to feel + be in reality. I knew the depth of my grief would require a deep altering to not feel it, and I just wasn’t willing to take the risks that come with that.

Scans, along with several studies, is revealing the many ways that alcohol impacts the brain. Decreased blood flow to the brain, limited brain cell reproduction, increased risk of dementia, hippocampus atrophy, and more. Add on increased anxiety and brain fog.

So yes, it may calm your nerves for a brief spell but it sounds to me like a very temporary numbing with great potential to lead to much more unsettling conditions.

It just isn’t worth it when there are so many more options out there now. Like natural options that truly help with building overall strength, long term.

It is time to invest in finding your way through your grief , naturally. Know better + do better!

The Unexpected in Widowhood: Learning to trust.

My mornings are such a mix these days. They range from waking with head pressure, sometimes angst, maybe a song, all the way to out and out enthusiasm. But I am not so far away from the brutal slap of widowed reality + gasp for oxygen mornings, sleepless nights, to forget their sting. They were my unwelcomed morning ritual for, well, far too long to count. I will say they were there long enough, they were consistent enough for me to be able rise and recognize the feeling of freedom without their presence. And today it has brought to me a place of such deep gratefulness.

Today was one of those days. This morning I woke up with words of thanks spouting from my lips. I found myself standing up + speaking out loud from my heart:

“God, I LOVE you. Thank you for that. Thank you for loving me and for helping me to know you. Like really, KNOW you and TRUST you. Thank you for having a plan for my life. A good plan. Thank you for the people you have put around me in my life, to help remind me and to spur me on. Thank you that you are teaching me that I can trust myself .“ SCREECHING HALT…. ummmmm, wait … WHAT did I just claim? And when did that happen?

See, since Dave passed away this sneaky little distrust in myself began to grow. As time continued to separate me from the life I had lived with my husband I found myself questioning more and more of my abilities: my decision-making processes, my feelings, the filters I run info through, my ability to show up. I began to feel this weird weight of scrutiny pressing on me. And I found myself wondering just where did this mental onslaught stem from? Because I was pretty sure a lot of it was in my head.

Through time + much thought, I have come to the conclusion that there were some key voices that spoke into the spaces of my falsely held beliefs.

1- Well-intentioned people questioning my process.

2- The void where his voice once spoke to bring balancing opinions + thoughts.

3- History. All the voices of my past failures magnified by the risk of facing future ones alone.

4- The whispers of the enemy, “You can’t do it.”

The sheer volume of these voices spinning on repeat in my head would hit me at different times throughout the day, although I will say this… I think they were probably on constant replay. I think I was just busy putting every ounce of my subconscious mental energy into drowning them out. However, it took its toll + somewhere between 2-4pm my brain would just want to shut off with my body closely wanting to follow. About that time the nerves would fire up to keep me in motion until bedtime. And throughout the evening and upon rising I would have a spontaneous electrical dance responding to those voices until I stood up to drown them out that following morning. And repeat.

But somehow scattered here and there I found space to sit with Jesus,

even when I didn’t feel like I had a drop of energy to personally show up. My sordid past had already proven His immense love for me + I knew I could trust him to show up even when I couldn’t muster much strength. I just needed a willing heart to try.

And as I started to implement some simple steps with my Being Known time I would find Jesus asking me morning after morning… “I know you don’t trust yourself, but DO YOU TRUST ME?” Yes, Jesus, I do, completely.” And in my journey with him this last year He has shown me SO MUCH about the voices I was tipping my head to, the things that were holding my gaze. It matters much. And with his simple questions + his deep love, my mind has been able to identify some of the faulty wiring + naturally I am beginning to respond out of more of his truth.

In the course of that, I have fallen SO deeply in love with Jesus, right in the thick of my painful process. The very thing that took a swing at me with the intention of taking me out resulted in shifting my position + opening my view to THE ONE who would steady my stance by wrapping his loving arms around me, holding me tightly, looking straight into my eyes, while asking me the question over and over again until I believed it to my very core:

“Kim, do you trust me?”

I do. If ever I trust anything, it is YOU!

My journey is still long. I have much to still discover BUT for today I am so grateful to recognize that although I won’t ever have all the right answers on my own, I do know the ONE who does. And we are tight, like really tight. In fact, he adores me.

This song:

LOVE YOURSELF

by Justin Bieber + modified lyrics by Tanner Townsend, it gets me every single time I listen to it. Close your eyes + wrap the words around your heart and mind.

“For all the times that you feel so alone
And when you don't know where to turn or to go
You think you're too far gone, you've made your last mistake
You think I'm lying test me, kneel down and pray

'Cause Gods got a plan for you
Listen to the spirit there's too many
Different voices, block out all the noises
I'm singing that I know it's true
And if you think you're worthless, I just want to help you know that
You're still good, don't look back

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Then maybe you could go and trust yourself

And if you start to feel that all your hope is lost
Remember Jesus died on Calvary's Cross
He suffered all the pains and hopelessness you'll see
So you can break the chains and start to be free

'Cause Gods got a plan for you
Listen to the spirit there's too many
Different voices, block out all the noises
I'm singing that I know it's true
And if you think you're worthless, I just want to help you know that
You're still good, don't look back

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Then maybe you should go and trust yourself

For all the times that I know, you feel small
Just take His hand, and He will help you stand tall
And if you hold fast to the rod and don't lose sight
Then you can know that it will end up alright

And the Father loves you, and he loves everyone
And I'd invite you to pray through His Son
We get so caught up in our day, we forget to kneel and pray
Yes I know, that you are never on your own

If you could see the way He sees your soul
Then maybe you could learn to love yourself
And if you start to hear the still small voice
Maybe you should learn to love yourself”

Tired Much? How to boost health, relieve stress and calm fear: Detox Bath Recipe

So, can a bath really boost health, relieve stress and calm fear? Absolutely!

We really value much of what Dr. Axe has to say about the importance of choosing natural options for best health practices. He has written a few articles on the benefits of a good detox bath. Here is a lil’ exerpt form one of his articles. “…allowing our bodies (and minds!) time to rest and rid themselves of toxins is essential to staying healthy. After all, if you’re not feeling your best, you can’t give anything — or anyone else — 100 percent.

Toxins are poisonous substances that negatively affect our health. We expose ourselves to toxins on a daily basis, from sources like pollution, processed foods, and pesticides. And when we don’t release these toxins, it’s reflected in our health and the way we feel throughout the day. That’s why I’m such a fan of detox baths.

Detox Bath Benefits

While there are many ways to detox, one of the easiest and most relaxing is through a detox bath. The best part? They’re insanely easy to make at home. You’ll get all the benefits you’d find in a high-end spa bath at a fraction of the price and in the comfort of your own home.

Using essential oils (which strengthen the immune system and support your inflammatory response), along with common household items like baking soda + epsom salts… can help flush impurities from the body by allowing it to sweat out toxins.” Tell me, who doesn’t need a little bit of that right now?

“I recommend doing a bath for about 40 minutes to an hour for best results. The first 20 minutes will give your body time to remove toxins from your system while the last 20 to 40 minutes will allow you to absorb the minerals in the water and help you emerge from the bath feeling rejuvenated. Make sure to use hot water — it’ll help you sweat out impurities.”

Here is what Dr. Mark Hyman has to say about the importance of a good detox. (Dr. Hyman is a practicing family physician and an internationally recognized leader, speaker, educator, and advocate in the field of Functional Medicine.)

“When our bodies become toxic it means that our natural method of ushering out metabolic waste from normal human metabolism, environmental pollution, and what has become known as the Standard American Diet (or SAD) has exceeded the threshold for what the body’s innate detoxification system can tolerate.  With this toxic load, every system in the human body can become affected.  From our head to our toes and everything in between, toxicity makes us sick!” - Mark Hyman

So basically you are getting the message that a good detox bath can induce a relaxing effect on the nerves and the brain, right?

And depending upon the essential oils you pick, you will see some additional benefits.

• For balancing a grounding go for some wood oils.

• For skin support and calming go for the florals.

• For uplifting and encouraging go for the citrus oils.

And whichever you choose for those I would add a few drops of the following to enhance and magnify the Impact of the detox: Blue Tansy, Frankincense, Vetiver, Copaiba. These oils have a huge variety of ways they support your body functions and your mental processes. They are TERRIFIC for the skin. They are also oils that have a very large variety of benefits for overall health.

With all of the stressors out there right now I can’t encourage this enough. Try it and let us know what you think.

Be well,

Kimber

Good Grief, what does it even look like?

I wish someone would tell me what GOOD GRIEF looks like. I take that back. No, I don’t! And here is why…

It doesn’t look like one particular thing. It doesn’t look the same from person to person. It doesn’t look the same day to day, or even hour to hour, or sometimes even minute to minute. Show me someone who loved deeply and lost, and I will show you yet another way that grief will show up on the scene. It is complex and individual to the person. And…. long lasting for most.

And MOURNING… the act of processing the deep abiding, long-lasting, grief. That is another thing entirely. Show me people who do that well and I will show you the most raw, revealing, public, tear your sackcloth, scream in the streets display of wailing you have ever seen. Stop and really think on that for a minute, how would that make you feel to witness? Um… perhaps too emotional for you? I mean, what would you do with that? Could you watch it comfortably from afar? Would you gently step up and touch it? Would you try to approach and hug it away? OR would you shift your attention elsewhere? I think internally your heart would quicken its step a little at that emotional exposure. Are they mad (as in out of their minds)? Do they need emergency assistance? Why can’t they control themselves? Many would want to do something about it to make it stop because it is just plain uncomfortable. And it should be…and it will be. And so what is a person going through it to do? Our culture holds many silent beliefs about this.

Okay, let’s open this door for a second…should those grieving “contain and control” the majority of the time? Is it a private matter? And let’s talk about the speed of it. Should it change its appearance rather quickly? Like would it be appropriate if the deep, incapacitating grief lasted a month or maybe two tops, following the loss? Then around 2-3 months we should probably expect the person to start engaging more and stepping back into the “real world” as many say. Oh, but they still seem and act different, perhaps guarded, distant, gloomy. Well, by six months surely they will be well on their way back to normal. And by a year… BAM… rolling forward with serious strides… in fact… some may say the wounds of grief should be basically healed at this point.

Oh friends, I am sitting here telling you that (let me count) it has been eight months since my husband passed and I am not sure I feel like I have taken one step towards healing. In fact, I am feeling the depth of the loss more deeply. It’s funny how the reality of all that the loss touches takes serious time to press into your thinking bank. Memory serves us well, until it doesn’t. My memory still tells me from experience he is going to walk through the door, that I need to check with him, that he is the expert and I need to wait for his opinion, that I am hurting and he is the one physical space where I can rest and feel comfort…. that last one is literally killing me. The VERY thing I need him most desperately for (comfort) is present because I NEED him most (first place besides God in my life). That one makes me feel like I am going mad. Reasoning ones absence in our lives doesn’t come easy. It takes time, a ton of different emotions, a bazillion spoken (or written) words, and even more thinking through. It hurts to think, talk, do and so our brains naturally do their very best to avoid it. We are literally fighting within our heads ALL THE DAY LONG. The brain does all it can to avoid the pain and at the same time it is screaming at you about your inabilities. Inability to focus, to do, to remember, to work through it. It is like 10,000 gears are working in different directions and at one no certain point they just end up jamming. Shutting down. Frozen. This typically happens to me in the late afternoon. I find myself DONE and ready to just close my eyes, sleep the rest of the day, or just turn everything off around me. I am literally exhausted mentally and physically with the simplest of things seeming impossible to accomplish. My brain just won’t work anymore.

This leads me into my current stage of discomfort with my grief. I am BEYOND ready for this pattern to be over, and to move on. I have things to do, I need to earn an income, I need to flipping just plain feel happy. I fear I am exhausting my friends, and I am certainly exhausting myself in the trying. But one can’t just give up… I must keep striving.

I do however trust the good, some relief from grief, is coming. I cling to that hope. A day will come when I have held more happy than sad within my minutes. I will always remember, I will always be sad it went how it did, but I will also look forward to the new. For now… I’ll just continue to feel and process until that day comes. So that the day will come.

And for those of you who are walking alongside someone who is grieving, or even approaching someone who is grieving. You don’t have to understand it. In fact, you probably can’t. But you can have immeasurable grace and love for them. Ask to help them with tangible tasks. The collections of those are often the most overwhelming. And listen… don’t be afraid. Let them RANT and just listen, and care. As they talk they are processing it out themselves. Fill the space with love and grace.

Be well,

Kimber