Grief isn’t just something you feel.
It’s something you live.
It doesn’t pass through or pass by over time. It settles in your chest, changes your pace, reshapes your thoughts, and carves its way into your everyday choices. Grief becomes part of how you breathe. How you think. How you carry love forward into a world that no longer looks like it once did.
It is not a moment or a stage.
It’s a recalibration - of what feels like, absolutely everything.
And the truth is, it matters.
Grief has VALUE
Grief matters because love matters.
Grief is not a sign that something went wrong. It’s a sign that something beautiful existed - something irreplaceable, something sacred.
It’s the shadow love casts when the person is gone, but the heartprint and wired in memories remain.
And that’s where things get confusing.
Because the relationship doesn’t stop.
The love doesn’t go away.
The memories don’t leave, even when the person does.
That’s the tension.
The friction of holding what’s still current in your soul… but not physcially true in your presence.
You still hear their voice.
You wait for their sound.
You remember the feeling of them right there beside you.
You brain has them wired into every moment of your future plans - and you have to wiggle through every single one of those as they come, working through them with your new reality.
It’s what I call a, holy ache: the presence of what was, still alive inside the absence of what is.
The Cost of Calling Grief “Just” an Emotion
Too often, the world will treat grief like a feeling.
Something that will pass. Something to be managed.
Something people expect you to "get over.", “get past”, “work through”, “come to terms with”.
But grief is not that simple.
When we minimize it to an emotion, we rush people through it.
We silence their voices with platitudes.
We dismiss their pain with timelines.
We shame them for the impact of loss that still remains or lingers.
But the truth is, grief doesn’t just touch the heart - it touches the brain. The body. The mind. The soul.
It disrupts thought patterns and memories. It changes your physical rhythms - your appetite, your sleep, your immune system. It alters how safe or unsafe the world feels. It reroutes every automatic thing you once knew.
This is not weakness. In fact, it takes tremendous strength.
It’s the cost of re-learning an entirely new life after loss.
This Is What Grief Looks Like
You have to reimagine every part of your day.
The person who once helped you decide things, calm your fears, make you laugh - they’re not here. And now it’s all up to you.
That’s not just painful.
That’s exhausting.
This is grief:
Trying to remember passwords.
Forgetting what day it is.
Staring into space.
Crying in the car.
Making a simple decision and feeling shattered by it.
Not because you’re broken.
But because your mind, body, and soul are doing the hard work of loving still, even in the absence. And that takes a strength that no one can see, or understand, unless they have sat in it.
And Yet, We Keep Going
Somehow, we show up.
Not always polished.
Not always okay.
But honest. Present. Carrying more than most people know.
We find ways to have grace for those who miss the mark on what this journey is about. Or what it should look like.
And slowly - over time - we realize something:
This grief has changed us. We have learned much in the process of it.
We have done extremely hard work carrying this love with us.
And we always will …
For the rest of our days we will carry the memories, the aches, and the gratitude.
You’re Not Meant to Carry This Alone
If you’re in this place - where your grief feels misunderstood - I want you to know something:
You're not alone.
And grief is not too much.
You’re not stuck.
You’re grieving.
And that’s holy.
It deserves time, tenderness, and space to be understood - not silenced.
As a grief coach and spiritual director, I walk with women navigating this ache - helping them find gentle ground beneath their feet again. Not rushing them. Not fixing them. But listening deeply and helping them carry this with honesty, presence, and dignity.
Grief and faith can walk together.
Tears and hope can live in the same body.
And even now - especially now - you are worth walking with.
A Gentle Invitation
If you're walking through deep loss and want someone beside you who understands both the neuroscience and the spiritual ache of grief, I’d be honored to walk with you.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Learn More About Grief Coaching + Spiritual Direction
We’ll move gently.
We’ll listen for what still matters.
And we’ll carry it forward - with kindness.
You can click below to set up a consult if you would like to see about walking together in your grief.
