but she was exhausted. All of her attempts at grief escape had left her depleted. Her mind + body needed rest but the physical and mental exhaust had only dropped the defensive walls down to the surface of the grief flood waters, they were brimming, beginning to splash over a little. How might she avoid the onrushing waves that were certain to crash in soon? Oh, please, not now….
She was tired. Too tired for the heavy weep of sorrow. Oh, so tired… but oh so unsettled. Letting the grief flow freely was still so difficult, so painful.
But so was avoiding it, just a different kind of steady pain that she barely recognized was happening. Recognized or not, it was crippling her. It was taking her out, little by little, day by day. She had to find a way…
And so she did, and she still does. Because grief is certain to come and go.
But now, most of the time, she knows when to welcome it, and how she can do that best.