Trauma Permanently Changes Us

Trauma. It wasn’t a word I would have thought I would be using with such a common type of death as cancer. However, when you sit with your person, and go through the treatments, and watch them suffer, and eventually die… well, it is indeed traumatic.

As the days go by, and some of the memories choose to resurface, you know… the kind where you are back in that room again, with all the sights, sounds and smells. It is then that your heart begins to race, and your eyes leak at the gut punch of reality. Your brain wants to turn it off quickly while clinging to it at the same time. This is because for a brief moment your mind would almost choose to be there (even knowing the outcome) versus sitting in this empty void you have been left with. The uncomfortable space between yes, this is my new reality and no, I don’t want to do this. I am sitting here telling you no one wants to do this.

The gut punch ache never leaves, even though your brain is doing a pretty thorough job of trying to protect your shattered heart. But when the brain is triggered by God to let the walls drop a little… “It’s okay, she can handle that memory, drop that wall, let her remember.” And BAM it unexpectedly slaps you awake… it is right here in this space that you are beyond aware you, no doubt, have experienced trauma.

A lot of times I find myself wondering if I will ever be the same, and I have come to the conclusion that, no, no I won’t. Will I still have joy, yes. Will I continue to have moments where I laugh until I snort at the silliest of things? Yes. Will I be able to go a week without bawling? Maybe? Will life go on and will new life experiences be fulfilling. For sure. But still…

I found a lot of comfort in this article that I found by Catherine Woodiwiss: A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma. Here is an excerpt:

This is the big, scary truth about trauma:
there is no such thing as “getting over it.”
The five stages of grief model marks
universal stages in learning to accept loss,
but the reality is in fact much bigger:
a major life disruption leaves a new normal
in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.”
You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing.
Healing from trauma can also mean
finding new strength and joy.
The goal of healing is not a papering-over
of changes in an effort to preserve or
present things as normal. It is to acknowledge
and wear your new life — warts, wisdom and
all — with courage.

– Catherine Woodiwiss

I am different now. If you have experienced trauma, you are different now. It is okay. Don’t try to hurry your way back to an old state of norm to please the people around you. It won’t happen. Give yourself the gift of grace and patience as you discover your new life, day by day.

Cheers my friend, here is to a new life with warts, wisdom and all.

Be Well-

Toolkit Options for Teens, Kids + Anxiety

The stress and anxiety kids are suffering with these days feels like an epidemic, doesn’t it? We are seeing it being talked about on just about every platform you can find; Teens and Anxiety - Stressed-out Kids. Here is the deal, I really don’t think this is anything new. If I were to guess, I imagine it has always been lurking around, buried deep in hiding, unable to be freely shared with confidence.

Anxiety is something I have struggled with for decades and for the majority of my life I thought I was alone in it. It just wasn’t something people would easily talk about up until a few years ago. I think there was a fear of being seen as messed up, or broken. I know I was afraid that if I talked about it I would be questioned on a core level. It was scary to think about making myself vulnerable like that.

I have to say I am impressed with the parents teaching their kids it is a-okay to talk about it. I think this is the first key to breaking it down. Just talking about it helps to release some of the pressure and the shame factor that comes with it.

Reminding your kids that a certain level of anxiety is actually normal can feel quite freeing to them. We were created to have a large range of emotions day to day, week to week, month to month. Life is not rosy all of the time, we don’t always get it right, sad things happen, pressure and demands build at times, and YES we experience JOY, PEACE + LAUGHTER in the mix of it as well. We are meant to feel it all, feeling it and recognizing it makes for a really strong, healthy mind.

The problem is when we become what I call BRAIN STUCK. We aren’t able to shift our thoughts out of gear into a better space. At that point we may need a little assistance. The great thing is with a few easy options your kiddos will be able to help themselves relax their minds and take a deep breath. And if they have more than one choice to select from it can increase their chances to overcome it, Choices give them a sense of control, freedom and most importantly HOPE. They identify their struggle, they choose what they think the best option is to work through it. If it doesn’t quite cut it, they pull out another option. BOOM. And the great news is, these options are safe, gentle, and good for their developing bodies.

So, here are a few natural options for your child to use in their anxiety toolkit:

Tool #1

Breathe. It’s a technique paired with a respiratory blend of essential oils. Um, excuse me…. what?

Yes, trust me, deep breathing is a game changer, especially when you feel a sense of heaviness resting on your chest. Deep breathing can help get your body back to the “rest and digest” state where your breathing is normal, your muscles are relaxed, and your heart rate is normal. Breathe respiratory blend opens up your airways and allows more oxygen into your lungs + blood stream. By simply using a breathing technique and pairing it with essential oils your kids will experience a power-packed cleansing + calming effect. There are several options on how to use this respiratory blend depending upon the child and where they are located when it sets in. If at home you could have a diffuser on hand that fills the room with an ongoing refreshing scent. It will help shift the mood of everyone in the house.

However, to create a personal travel toolkit I would suggest you start with an inhaler - you can pick them up on Amazon (click here) for around $10 a set, that way you can have a few different inhaler combos in the kit. (Other oils choices would be: Vetiver and Lavender. They are extremely calming oils as well and have a powerful impact on the brain and nervous system.)

These inhalers are easy-peasy, compact and fit in a little bag nicely. Just 3-4 drops of essential oils in some Himalayan Salt, or you can use the little foam insert they come with. Have your kiddo practice taking a nice LONG slow inhale through their nose with the tip of the inhaler (with vent holes) just a small space below and then practice a slow exhale out of their mouth. This is a simple and powerful way to relax the nerves.

The essential oils will not only open the airways, they will also begin to send the brain calming messages prior to even recognizing the scent. It’s a brilliant option. Hold on a sec… I gotta grab my inhaler and get a little energy flowing for what’s next.

Tool #2

Roller bottles are an incredible little tool to have on hand. They not only make an impact through the scent with the limbic system but they also get to every cell within the body within 20 minutes. And, depending upon the oils you choose, they can help relieve tension in areas where you store stress.

Personally I use this technique all the time. It is probably my number one go to. I roll the bottle on the back of my neck, near where the spinal cord and brain stem are. Many oils are known to pass through the blood brain barrier, so you can imagine the possibilities here. After I swipe it 2-3 times on the back of my neck I rub it in with my hand, and then proceed to cup my hand over my nose and take in a BIG, slow breath. If I am holding tension in my upper shoulders and neck area I will roll on a little oil there too and gently massage it in.

For the rollers I would have a couple combos on hand.

• 5 drops serenity

• 5 drops balance

• 5 drops vetiver

• top off roller bottle with fco

  (that stands for fractionated coconut oil)

Together those create a powerhouse blend that will support your mood balancers nicely.

The second roller bottle would be an uplifting mint + citrus blend. There are tons of options but my favorite combination would be:

• 5 drops spearmint

• 5 drops citrus bliss

• 5 drops lime

• top off roller bottle with fco

TOOL #3

Would be a mini dropper bottle filled with equal parts copaiba essential oil and fco.

Here is a little history: over the decades Copaiba has been used to promote the health of cardiovascular, immune, digestive, respiratory, and nervous systems. It is especially known for the calming, soothing, and supportive benefits it brings to the nervous system. A drop or two under the tongue and you have some terrific support for soothing anxious feelings. AND an added benefit is the calming effect it has on the tummy. As you know, anxious feeling often come with a stomach ache, this will help to settle those tummy troubles. Please remember that not every essential oil is equal. In fact, there are VERY few on the market that are proven to be 100% unadulterated and pure. It matters anytime you are using essential oils AND especially when you are taking them internally. Don’t skimp on your health, it isn’t worth the long term cost.

So hey - what do you think about this? Isn’t it great? I love that you can take a few gifts from nature, with a few simple learned techniques and find a little peace in the midst of the storm. And hear me out, I am not saying there isn’t a time to seek medical attention - but there might be a chance you can avoid it by learning some new coping skills before they snowball into something bigger. Parents, you got this.

And while we are at it, why not make it extra fun for your children. I suggest creating or purchasing cute containers and putting them into a handy little bag of your child’s choice. Something that makes them happy, or laugh, when they see it. That way you know they will be excited to pull it out and use it whenever they have the opportunity.

Guys, there is SO much more I want to say about this.. like beyond this health kit. The importance of sleep, and gut health… but I’ll save that for my next post on parenting.

If you have any questions, or need help selecting the best oils for your child’s needs, just give me a holler in the comment section, or shoot me an email at: Kimberly@essentiallyloved.com

We have a TON of tips and tricks up our sleeves, we can help you find solutions.

Be Well-

Kimber

Teething, now what? easy natural recipe for relief.

Teething.

Every mother's worst nightmare. Okay, that might be a little dramatic but teething is terrible. The drool, red cheeks and pain that causes a super grumpy babe… which then leads to a super grumpy mama. 

Elliot is almost a year and a half and he has at least four molars coming in at once right now, so I figured it’s time to share my secret for all of you who might have a baby in your life or know someone who does. This protocol is what I used on Elliot from day one of teething, because it’s soothing and calming it has been a game changer! 

I apply this blend on his jaw line every three hours during the day and before bed. This also works great on babies but for 12 months and under you will want to use this recipe which is even more diluted for that sensitive baby skin. 

0-12 months teething blend

• 10 ml roller bottle 

• 2 drops Roman Chamomile EO

• 2 drops Lavender EO

• 2 drops Frankincense EO

• Fill the rest of the bottle with fractionated coconut oil 

12+ months teething blend

• 10ml roller bottle 

• 5 drops Roman Chamomile EO 

• 5 drops Lavender EO

• 5 drops Frankincense EO

• Fill the rest of the bottle with fractionated coconut oil 

In addition to these oils I also had little frozen teethers, frozen berries and even just a frozen washcloth for him to chew on to ease the pain. 

I am pretty sure this isn’t our last round in the teething circuit, so if you have other tips or tricks I would love to hear them! Comment below.

-Madison

Reminder: Only use Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade (CTPG) oils on your babies. Other essential oils could have harsh chemicals or fillers that are harmful to their sensitive skin. 

When the “ABOUT US” changes: dealing with loss

I’m sitting here, in Hawaii. Dreamy right? It stirs up all kinds of romantic notions, yes? However, romance is the last thing on my brain. I’m actually sitting here thinking about how on earth I got here.

Oh, I know that I arrived here on a plane with an airline ticket that I myself purchased. That isn’t what I am referring to. I am talking about how on earth did I end up a middle-aged woman, sitting (possibly wallowing),  in the thick of immense grief. 

GRIEF

GRIEF because 20 months ago my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer.  

GRIEF because 12 months ago we found out it was tougher to fight than we thought. 

GRIEF because the next year would be filled to the brim with horrendous battle after exhaustingly unsuccessful battle. 

-GRIEF because six months ago he was SET FREE from the battle. 

But here is the unfortunate thing… I wasn’t. My kids weren’t excused either. The memories still swirl in our brains, poke at our hearts and physically shake us at times. We so wanted a different outcome. We wanted a victory story that would have us all on our feet dancing, singing praises of “Only God could do that.” as we grabbed Dave’s hands and raised them high in adoration. 

As deep as our longings were, as heartfelt as our prayers could have been, that wouldn’t be the conclusion to Dave’s story.

Our “ABOUT US” has changed and it is not what we would have chosen.

I brought my computer with me on this trip because God has made it evidently clear that he has some work for me to do. (I’ll get to that in a future post.) But this is the deal for now… I needed to update this website, and I needed to start with the about page. AND I hate that I am sitting here having to do this. That battlecry part of the story is over and now…. yeah, now what? What the heck am I about? As I go down the list of what used to be there are a lot of boxes to check of “not anymore’s”  - so then what is left? What is going to be? I don’t even know.

I do know one thing: the cancer battle for Dave is over which means the battle of making the memories serve us well is in full force. The battle of choosing to keep going and staying strong. The battle of fulfilling what God has in mind for us to do. YES. Every single day will reveal to us what that looks like. Our job isn’t to think too far out and become overwhelmed, our job is to be present with listening ears and a willing heart… no matter the cost.

God, help us to not waste a morsel of what you intend to use in us and through us. Help us to feel, to process, to pray, to grow closer to you in the thick of it all. Carry us through what we can’t muster the strength to trek on our own. 

I am posting below our old “ABOUT” contents because I don’t want to erase the past journey, I want to embrace it, hold it dear and use it to launch forward. 

(About page 2018/19”

“THE JOURNEY SO FAR

I was talking with my husband the other day about this life we have lived together. Battling cancer as a family has a way of walking you through the years and almost demanding you reflect on your story. Are the pages filled with all that matters? What chapters did we miss? Any we would choose to rewrite? Looking back I would say we have lived a fairly BIG life in our recently turned 50 years. I imagine the rising action and climax in our current storyline would be something people would dream about  happening at some point in their lifetime.

The pages of this website will be riddled with some of the stories of our glorious adventures with family, lake life, racing boats and cars, camping, taking teams to Tanzania and Kenya, partnering with a school in Kibera Slum, working alongside programs in Tanzania that help widows, orphans and young single mamas, starting a nonprofit, overcoming debilitating pain and more. Those are the peaks. Then there are the valleys of abandonment, abuse, anxiety, cancer, a stillborn baby, the division of a family business. The beauty in all of this is the good comes with a natural sparkle but the hard places… they have the ability to shine when you find the beauty in the pain. It’s always there just waiting to be picked up, dusted off and held high. 

My personal story is packed full with this type of rescuing. So, so many stories of being redeemed from the muck and mire covered in the thick weight of my earned distress. When that kind of grace and mercy show up in your life you are pretty eager to sprinkle it around like confetti. 

I hope you find the encouragement and help you are looking for here. We will be posting our upcoming workshops, simple DIY projects, devotions, keto recipes, and random musings along the way. “

Heart + Mind Work

Everything + The Kitchen Sink Scrub Recipe

Pinky promise - this is the WORLD’S BEST all natural kitchen + bathroom + laundry room + stainless steel + pots n’ pans + anything and everywhere else scrub. This will replace those chemical laden soft scrubs you purchase and the dry powdery shaker cans that leave you inhaling the swirling toxic air dust.

It will get rid of tough rust stains and is gentle enough to scrub your pots and pans with. It is EXCELLENT and let me just tell ya the essential oils in this make it a POWERHOUSE cleaner to knock that grime, slime and germs right down the drain.

DIY Recipe for the BEST all natural EVERYTHING + the Kitchen Sink All Purpose Cleaner

1.5 C. Baking Soda

4 T. Borax

1T. Rosemary

1T. Thyme

blend in blender then add:

5 drops Thyme eo

2 drops Oregano eo

4 drops Rosemary eo

blend again and put into container

Directions for use: sprinkle on surface, scrub with damp cloth and rinse.

To watch the our DIY youtube video click here

Adoption - the journey of two moms

I used to blog over on another site. Every once in awhile I go back and check the stats and comments and it never fails to surprise me how many people are still actively finding it. In fact just the other day a gentleman in Memphis found me on facebook to ask me a question about a recipe I posted years back. So fun these inter-webs. It has me thinking that blogging needs to be brought back. This kind… the casual, real chatter of everyday ordinary life and ponderings… so I’m bringing it back. Maybe a few of you will follow along and find a little fun or encouragement.

So, one of the most popular posts over on Sublime-Living is an adoption poem I posted by an unknown author. It talks about the two moms and their love for this one boy. It brings me to deep heart thoughts.

I do often think of where our boys birth mom is today. Is she okay? Does she long to know how he is doing? and so, so many other thoughts. I wish we could sit and talk about what led to her decision and I could share with her about the AMAZING God story of how he wrote all of our lives together. It still had to be immensely hard for her, no matter what she faced. I have written all kinds of story lines in this space in my attempt to wrap my heart around it. In my made up versions every story has the similar thread of some form of brutal hardship. Something made her walk away - a fear of her circumstance, a trust for his. I do hope God has given her a glimmer of peace in her decision.

I do hope she can in some way feel the deep love we have for her. Our lives are forever changed and enriched by her.

Trying to lose weight with a Keto Diet? Set yourself up for success.

So you have heard about Keto and you are ready to run with it? Or possibly you have been going about it but just can’t get it going smoothly. Oy, I hear ya.

Some of my BIGGEST challenges on Keto were / are:

1. knowing where to start

2. setting up the meal plan

3. planning ahead

4. actually following the plan

My VERY biggest challenge is allowing myself to get too hungry and then grabbing whatever is quick and easy. When you are hungry the prepping and time it takes to cook can seem like just too much and that cheese, chocolate, crackers… it all just sounds like a deliciously quick pop it in your mouth right this minute perfectly satisfying option. So yea, it happens for me.

It’s taken me some time to prep ahead or find no guilt, ready to go, snacks to have on hand. I’ll be sharing a list with some of my favorites very soon. The other BIG helper is to make a meal and arrange to have leftovers on hand in the fridge.

When selecting recipes I do a lot of online searching however my GO-TO Keto Recipe books are authored by Maria Emmerich. I just LOVE her food. I can’t even pick one that is a favorite… and she has quite a line up.

This one though Keto Instant Pot ? Instant Pot + Keto = DIVINE! Is she brilliant or what? So when you aren’t super prepared ahead of time or just plain short on time, this cookbook is where it is at.

Tell me, what your biggest challenge is so far with a Keto Diet?

Bugs Be Gone All Natural Pet Shampoo Recipe

1. 1 Tablespoon Castile soap

2. 2 drops lavender essential oil.

3. 2 drops lemon essential oil..

4. 2 drops peppermint essential oil.

5. 2 drops eucalyptus essential oil.

6. 2 drops rosemary essential oil.

7. 16 oz distilled water

8. 16oz Glass or Aluminum Bottle.

Mix the castile soap and the essential oils together then top with the distilled water. Shake well before each use.

All Natural Nourishing Whipped Body Butter Recipe

Whipped Body Butter

• 16oz glass jar

• 1/2 cup Shea Butter

• 1/2 cup Cocoa Butter or Mango Butter

• 1/2 cup Coconut Oil

• 1/2 cup light oil (like almond, jojoba or olive)

• 10-30 drops of essential oils of choice: lavender - wild orange - frankincense

• In a double boiler or glass bowl, combine all ingredients except essential oils.

• Bring to medium heat and stir constantly until all ingredients are melted.

• Remove from heat and let cool slightly.

• Move to fridge and let cool 1 hour or until starting to harden but still somewhat soft.

• Mix until whipped consistency. Store in a glass jar with a lid.